WHY SELF-DESTRUCT – CHAPTER 1

Many times we read of people who come from good families and are well brought up or have succeeded in various ways in life, in sports, in work, or in some celebrated position, but yet they commit crimes and other follies that eventually screw up their lives. You wonder how or why these people, who have “made it”, do things that in our common sense are senseless. And it really pains to watch them continue to do mind boggling things to self-destruct themselves.

THE HONG KONG DOUBLE MURDER

Sentenced to life in prison for killing two women, he was described in newspapers as “Cambridge-educated and once a brilliant superman investment banker earning several million Hong Kong dollars a year”. The judge said he “had been given every possible material advantage in life from a very privileged upbringing to a great career and immense pay check”. The court heard that he became “a bloated, unshaven, permanently intoxicated, isolated and depraved drug and alcohol addict whose mind was permanently obsessed about sadistic sexual fantasies”.

WORLD NO 2

In Japan, people found gambling can face jail terms. Yet this badminton player, just 21 years of age and with lots of potential, had to gamble at an illegal Tokyo casino and get caught. He was suspended and had to miss the Rio Olympics, just 3 months away. Losing 500,000 yen (US$4600) in the casino sounds like chicken feed, but losing the chance for Olympic and world greatness?? You can apologise and be remorseful all you want after the damage is done, but why even step foot into the casino in the first place, let alone a few more times? Why, why self-destruct?

WHAT PRICE BEAUTY?

Stories abound about people undergoing cosmetic surgery to try to look better or younger. Some minor subtle work is OK, but some will keep wanting to go under the knife or injecting things continuously, and eventually they just ruin their face or body and their lives. Some were once really beautiful but over years of disastrous artificial beautification, they have become unrecognisable. The desire to look slim with pills has also destroyed some people.

Being content with one’s looks is a necessary step towards self-confidence. If we keep squeezing our pimples to try to make them go away, our face will scar more and the uglier we look. Like excessive make-up, it is a self-defeating habit. When the make-up is off at night, we turn into another person, and are afraid of others seeing our plain dried up faces. The more you indulge, the more money you waste, but it will not make you look better. Having a little make-up or even wearing contact lenses may be a necessity but when you want the extra sparkling looks and green eyes, you can get so hooked that you throw caution to the wind and just buy as many and types from everywhere. Internet buying is so easy and for the addicted user, the cheap products from unregulated stores on the internet may be unhygienic and cause serious infection and damage to the face and vision. And you can seriously self-destruct.

MR CASINO

As the CEO of a listed company, he drove a big BMW and had a landed property. Only child had married out and no other dependent really in need of his help. With a net worth of a few million $, and living very comfortably, the guy had it made. But he was a gambling man. Each time after a visit to a casino, he would keep his cash-out receipt. And he would show it off to anyone, even to the young gals pushing beer in a pub, boasting how he beat the casino. He swears he wins most of the time. He says he even has a system, like everyone around a roulette table noting down the sequence of winning numbers. On visits to overseas casinos, he is picked up by a limousine, hotel suite on the house, and big meals by virtue of his accumulated betting points. And that is not all. The wife is also a gambling girl. And we now have two high-rollers with access to VVIP rooms, each visit honoured and both recognisable by everyone.

Very few gamblers believe in luck in the casino. It is skill they say. But if you tap their shoulders when they are at the black-jack table, they will scorn at you because shoulder tapping is bad luck. If they run out of money and need some quick cash and borrow from you, and then you ask for it back after they have just recouped their losses, they will curse you as asking for money is bad luck. When you lose big money to the casino, you lose your pride and you seek revenge by going back to try to win your money back. Teach the casino a lesson. And that is usually when all your cards start to fall. It happened to the ex-CEO. House sold, bank accounts emptied and now you owe the casino. All the credits and overdraft they gave you have to be repaid with interest. And now you have to borrow from friends to repay your casino debts. Self-destruct at its worst.

TWO-TALE PROPERTY

The guy and his wife brought up two nice kids on government jobs, and they have lived in the same house for the last 40 years. Bought for about $2-300K, it is now worth more than a $M. Savings went into pension funds. Years passed and the nest egg grew and they are now comfortably enjoying retired life, with no money worries. Everyone is happy.

Contrast this with another family. They had a good business and lived well and bought their first house. Then they invested in a new property when properties bloomed. Loans were easy and cheap. They then exited their business but continued to work for salaries. With a few kids, things started to get tight, so they sold one and suddenly they were cash rich. They can even afford two smaller investment properties and still had some money left to actually live happily ever after. But no, we have Joneses to keep up with. So the money in the bank goes into an even more expensive property, in an even better neighbourhood with an even nicer view. But wait, you need a loan to additionally finance the new buy. So now we have to sell all the remaining properties in a bad market just to live in this new place. With more monthly repayments and tighter cash, every spending has to be considered. Life becomes a bit hard. But the house is great. People will praise it, visitors will love it, but hopefully the inhabitants are happy. Living it up, and beyond your means, is self-destructing.

BUY, BUY, BUY

When you are in love with golf, you will buy new clubs to try out each time they are released or when someone talks about it. Even when you already have one of the latest sets that suits you well. There is always this belief – when you are playing well, you expect new or better clubs to make you play even better. And with the new clubs, you try to adjust your swing and if it works well, fine. But in most cases, eventually your game just falls apart. It is normal to blame the clubs when we are playing badly, so we buy and try, and buy and try. New toys are irresistible but they may just destroy your game, your confidence and your joy.

And that goes with shoes, clothes and things that people think will make them look better. And so we shop and we buy. Just enough is not enough. It is a spending spree, not in one shopping outing, but an endless habit to buy and keep. Never mind if it’s the same colour but it has a smaller collar; never mind if it’s the same design but a different colour. You must have it. Never mind if you use it once and then it sits in your wardrobe for the next 10 years gathering dust, you buy it. Two is not enough, twenty feels better. And you don’t need to go to a mall to shop. The internet shops will deliver to you. Using the credit card helps, because no cash is seen going out – just type numbers. And then the payments gradually eat at your bank account and you don’t have enough cash for rainy days. Your money dwindles, you don’t look any better, your cupboard fills up, and you keep loved-ones on tenterhooks whether you will self-destruct in this meaningless buying, buying and more buying.

NOCUREMAN

It is extremely difficult, and impossible sometimes, to get an avid gambler to give up his habit. Many such people just ultimately destroy themselves and their families. Even when we have a good thing going, and despite good counsel, some of us will still inevitably do things to just screw it up. When we are deep into something, with our secrets hidden and no one to point out the senselessness of our habits, we are onto a dangerous self-destructing path.

People are aware drugs are bad, yet they keep consuming them till too late. Many think they have things under control and they can stop when they want. But things can quickly spiral out of control. You get influenced and you seek solace with like-minded friends. Over time as you hide and console yourself it becomes a norm for you – whether with alcohol, smoking, fast cars, looking good, compulsive buying, work and many more. When people advise us, we fight back. Some of us won’t change and one day we will self-destruct. That day will come and no amount of apologies or regret will help. We salute all who do come to their senses.