CHILDREN, CHILDREN EVERYWHERE

Most people have children, whether by choice or by accident. If the kids turn out to be bad or ugly, you wish you don’t have them, but almost all of us learn to live with what they are. Children exhibit certain traits when young. Good or bad traits, it is impossible to tell if a child was born that way or that he might have been influenced along the way. Maybe karma catches up much earlier in some and very much later in others, but whatever a child is today, no matter what one does or desires, we will never know what he might turn out one day. Like many life events, there are no control experiments, no what-ifs. We just live with the result. Of course, if you have the money you can still send a not so bright kid to university, but if you cannot afford it, a not so bright kid will most likely have a not so bright future. But again there are rich kids who fail and poor kids who excel later in life. Who is to tell?

HEAVEN’S WILL 1

Often we hear people thanking the heavens for giving them an offspring. It is like there is some special divine intervention – we prayed and had the baby. Let us face it. Other than fairy tales, no babies come out of nowhere. If it appears on your doorstep, it is probably abandoned.  To put it crudely, a couple needs to engage in sex to ever have a chance to have a baby. And while in the act, uttering serious prayers for a baby is probably furthest from your mind. They are just not compatible efforts possible at the same time. Even for the most pious ones, which one comes first – sex or baby? Some actually pray nothing happens after sex. Some try hard for one but no results. They surely pray afterwards too, but still nothing. Now if you don’t have sex, no baby will ever happen, no matter how hard you pray. That is a given.

Whatever the reasons, it is actually not difficult not to have a kid – you refrain or take super extra precautions. So there is no excuse that it happened by accident or by some divine design. And if you are not ready for kids, don’t even try. A baby may be born out of just pure chance, but once it is born, you have a big responsibility.

THE LOAD ON YOUR SHOULDERS

Different people have kids for different reasons. Some like the joy around kids, some due to peer or parental pressure, some want kids to later support and care for them, and some desire the continuation of the family tree. So, it is perfectly OK for them to try. But once the kid comes, shoulder your responsibility well. If you are rich and able it is much easier. If not, being sorry for yourself and the ensuing kid is too late.

Even responsibility to children means different things to different people. Most will do their best. But some believe their job is just to feed you till you are big enough to marry out or eke out a living. That maybe very much an old thinking, but it still happens today. And the vicious cycle continues. You cannot shoulder the responsibility well so you blame it on accident, on divine intervention, but yet you engage in reckless acts that produce even more. Some parents even say you are lucky just to be born. As if babies cry out to be born. And we now owe these parents a living or they may snuff you out into thin air.

When a life is born, it is a heavy burden and you better be prepared to deal with it. Somehow, people always take chances and to many, it is always too late. Having kids must be a choice, a responsible choice.

HEAVEN’S WILL 2

It is not unusual having to listen to parents and grand-parents praising their young ones – see, they can walk, how clever. Almost everyone has some story to tell, and it is always the good stuffs – so pretty, so cute, so big eyes, so smart, and so precocious. It is like having an asset, a possession that they can brag about. I am father number 2; I am grandmother number 3. This is my jewel, he is more able than others, and no one better hurt him or her, or else – whatever the matter is, my kid can do no wrong. It’s like having a new car – showing it off, admiring it, protecting it, and boasting its capabilities, even when everyone is just being polite bearing with it.

Very few will be frank enough to tell you how bad their kids are, when they keep failing exams or the kids look ugly or misbehave or are disabled in some way. When the child grows, sometimes he exhibits behaviours that smack of intelligence, some of some disability, and some with other myriads of characteristics. When a kid seems smart, some parents will thank the heavens again. No one will passionately thank the heavens if the kid is otherwise. Well, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and no one will admit they fathered a bad kid. Is it by chance or heaven’s will again?

TO ADULTS

Most parents will say they give their children their ablest best to prepare for adulthood. Sure, unless you seriously mistreat your child or abandon him along the way, how else can anyone accuse you of being bad or inadequate parents? Some give birth to a few kids and then they favour just one or two, whatever the reasons. If you knew you will only prefer one particular kid out of 5, you should have aborted the rest, and just keep this one and give him a better quality life. Why give birth and then torture your kids? Some are not able to feed their kids enough, don’t educate them, teach them bad habits (like drugs and lazing around) and some even abuse their own kids. But still, some of these kids survive into good responsible adults. Is it the heavens again or just pure luck?

Somehow when a child is not a child anymore, he may be absolutely a different person from your dreams. I don’t know how he ended up like that. Some praise their kids when times are good but curse them if things turn out bad later. Some want undivided attention – I gave birth to you, and you treat me like that? Their kids are born assets and they expect a good return. Most don’t ever say sorry I brought you into this world, and cause you this suffering, I am to blame.

If good parenting also results in good adults, it is a perfect situation. But even the best looked after kids may turn out evil. There is no guarantee.

NOCUREMAN:

To have or not to have children, everyone has a choice. It is natural to have kids is not good enough as you need to fulfill the heavy responsibility. Cherish them when they are growing up and give them your best. Feed them well and teach them the right things. That is the minimum. Then let them go. Do not be a burden to them. If they grow up to be good people, it is your luck. If they end up bad, it is also your luck. Everyone can wish, but no one will ever know till the day comes what the child will turn out to be.