We often hear adults telling innocent but foolhardy teenage lovers that one cannot live on love and sunshine alone. We have to work hard, earn a living and be responsible. Sure, love claims to overcome some things but in every relationship, and especially marriage, love and the free sunshine can at best offer a temporary fix. Like if you get pregnant and still in school. You marry without a secure income. And you think love will carry you through. That’s so childishly foolish. Of course that inexplicable love conquers all courage is very motivating, but mankind needs more than that. Otherwise we could have all ended up smoking pot lazing around in hippie-land, with free love and god-knows what might have been. 

Marriage seems like a natural consequence of a romance, but it can be complicated after a while. We may think it is the start of a new life and it can truly be. But the problem with romantic love is that we can seem deeply in it at the start but then it can dissipate and disappear strangely over time, whatever the reason. And there are many reasons. Look at wedding pictures and see the joy and lovey-dovey eyes, then fast forward to today. How many still hold hands, whisper sweet-nothings or are even still together? And if they do, very likely it won’t be just love and sunshine. 
Many other things matter to keep a relationship alive – you can add trust, respect, fidelity and all kinds of emotion, attitude and character issues into the mix – but unless you wake up one day realising its the wrong mate, staying together into the twilight years happily ever after is not by sheer luck. It takes serious effort and you have to manage 3 things well.

MONEY is number One. When couples split, the most important thing to them is who gets what. That is life. While dating, it could be dutch. When living together, the one who earns more pays more. When you split, the one who earns less wants more. Splitting is the ultimate. Most don’t but learn to live with each other’s faults and indiscretions till death do us part. And here money certainly helps. As long as there is money to spend, I do what I like and you do your own thing. When love fails money does come to the rescue.

But there is more to money than that. Money helps keep tempers down, lower stress and anxiety, and corrupt away imminent quarrels. Money solves many problems or they can stop most problems from getting worse. Imagine how a good present or meal can soothe wounds and make amends and the relationship stays intact and more bearable. When you are broke, friends will avoid you and close ones may just desert you. And when all things are good anyway, having the extra $ makes life even more pleasant and enjoyable and the relationship thrives. So maintain a decent job, earn a decent income, save for rainy days and for posterity, and make hay while the sun shines. Manage money well for with money, comes respectability, confidence and sometimes invincibility.

Next is FAMILY. Or the extended family. Everyone related to you and your partner, who is close enough to care about both of you or those you both care about, if not openly but in heart. Friends can come and go, but family is legal and always in your good face. 

Family gatherings can be a real joy, with the kind of togetherness and brotherhood money cannot buy. It is the reason we address certain friends as bros, but unlike friends the support from family is a natural and unspoken expectation, the kind that runs through our blood. 

But if you lose family, there is a misery you will feel deeply forever. The atmosphere changes, conversations become subdued, silence triumphs and relationships suffer, like being lost and alone, away from the tribe. So never forsake the family, treasure it. Whatever the bad, it is still family. If at all, build on it. Spend time, continue the rituals, and never lose contact. It will make life a lot more livable as a couple within a larger communal tribe. 

And last is FRIENDS. Real friends, not the ones that fleet in and out. Friends you can have a beer with and share all kinds of jokes and stories, friends willing to hang around with you in good or bad times, friends you can call on and will call on you come what may. Friends that make the world go round for you and your partner.

Have time for your friends. No one is perfect so live and let live. Some may get closer, some may even fade away but, fear not, new ones will appear. Some friends make you envious, some will envy you but if they are nice, be nice too. Life needs these simple social interminglings that make us laugh, gossip and relate happenings – a way to let off and to look at ourselves. Friends make us sane. Otherwise it will be like a cell with 4 walls. We need the excitement, the variety and the spices to make married life more married, and that is what friends are for.

NOCUREMAN: Money, family and friends shield us from the miseries of work, the office politics and other daily woes. With these three, you can conquer anything and live happily ever after.