Milestone arrived today 20092023 🙂

Much ado about nothing except a family dinner.

Today 72.1 Kg. BP 130/80 and HB 59.

(Caveat : Last 8 months on 5mg Candesartan (morning) and 4mg Atorvastatin (evening) every 2 days on the same day.

22092023

Was at the supermarket browsing on grapes. This big-belly stranger just came up and offered his 72 years of healthy lifestyle tale – vegs, fruits, little meat, black fungus, roots, garlic – jet black hair (looked colored but he would not say) albeit a good-skinned face. Claimed firm tummy only muscles from free-style swimming and doctor has to wastefully cut away muscles if he wants to look trim. Even revealed his sex life with a 50-year old girlfriend 🙂 Hmmm.

Redemption

In the 2020 Netflix Korean drama, Sisyphus, people could time transport themselves to their past and the main reason is to resolve their regrets and hence redeem themselves. One, a policeman, came back to see his dying mum who passed away while he was too busy with his job and was always berating her for being a burden to him. Once back, his sole desire was to cook her favourite dish and just be nice to her, one last time before she passed away. That is a very common theme, when someone has passed on and we regret not having treated the person decently, or to even see him one last time. We all have regrets, and we cannot undo or redo these situations, well unless someone invents the time machine.

Family

Regret is worst when it involves the family. One day when we are much older, and sick in hospital, or having some other health or money or relationship issues, we will look back and wonder about the what-ifs. What if I had listened to my parents, what if I had shared this with my siblings, what if I had taken heed of their advices, and why did I behave like that to family members, why did I rubbish what loved ones told us?

Maybe that’s why some people wail and cry when a loved one dies. If the relationship had been good and you had been awfully nice, then there is no guilt and no need for tears. The dead has lived a good life and we should celebrate the send-off. But if it was otherwise, the sense of guilt and regret can overwhelm at the passing parade. Time may cure most heartaches, but for many of us, the regrets will linger for a long while, and like cancer, it could hurt till we ourselves are gone.

Friends

Good friends are like family. Sometimes it is not you or them that cause relationships to go awry, but either way, we will feel bad. We regret not conscientiously making an effort to stay in touch, being nasty in some ways, and not being understanding or helpful in certain situations. I am not sure, is it really part of human nature?

Surin had cancer, but I was too busy in a new job to spend time with him in his dying days. When he passed away in Bangkok, I could not even take a flight there to say goodbye. That was 30+ years ago. It is one regret that still hounds me.

Next is Gores. We stayed in touch via email since the 80s and met again in Austria and Newark, but a few times I was in Austria in his home village I didn’t even try to contact him. So near yet so far. Then one day the email came from his son and Gores was gone. Just like that and I did not even try to see him when in Austria!

And Norbert. Knew him since the 90s. We drove through Europe twice and even stayed at his place in Dover, UK. We would call each other every Dec festive season. On 25^th Dec 2016 we had another usual chat, vowing again to visit each other soon as the last one was in 2013. A few weeks later, I kept getting overseas calls but did not pick them up thinking they were scam calls. But I did finally, and it was his sis-in-law – Norbert died peacefully on the couch. My regret? You will never get to know.

And lastly, Michael Evans. Someone I lost touch and could never locate again as hard as I tried.

Self

Study hard. Don’t play so much. Don’t drink and drive. Watch your weight. Exercise and look after your health. Don’t stay up too late. Don’t glue yourself to the computer. Don’t spend money on needless stuffs. These are usual coming from our parents when we are younger. But we listen, left ear in, right ear out. I am fine. I know what I am doing. My friends say I look ok. It’s the in thing for people our age. Blah, blah, blah. You nag too much. Its my life, you know. Convenient self-denial.

Fast forward years later – we put on 20kg, we have diabetes, we struggle with our job and money, we look older than we actually are, and we have outgrown our clothes, no longer the youth we dreamt about. It is a rude awakening. Why didn’t I listen, why didn’t I care, why did I kid myself, why didn’t I notice and take heed? Then you look back in time and the big regret comes – helplessness is a terrible feeling, especially if they are a past you cannot revisit and undo. But then again, is it a point of no return yet? You are still in complete control, a real shame not to wise up early and reset the clock. Imagine we can reverse what seems done. Imagine we can avoid the future regrets by dealing with them right now.

Have I learnt?

No matter what we are told, we all tend to relearn things the hard way. Maybe the successful ones are smart enough to realise early and use life’s lessons well. Many times we come to our senses but late. I dislike funeral wakes. Better to heed the living than talk to the dead. Often you see dramas where someone dies and the living keeps saying sorry – sorry I did not call you, sorry I scolded you, sorry I didn’t listen to you, or sorry I was busy. Or you grow older and things happen to you that your loved ones warned you about many many moons ago. Why, why, why?

In our unenlightened human nature, regrets always come too late.

Imagine you are hiding from a predator, maybe a wild animal or a robber or someone looking to inflict you harm. Or as in a war, you hide to escape capture. No sound, no movement, holding your breath, like we see in movies. But you are not found and the threat disappears. You are safe and relieved, get out of your predicament and now you can breathe, walk, run, and feel free. Only adrenaline, but that’s fine.

Next, imagine you are locked in a little box or cage, big enough just to hold you, with little wriggle room. It maybe dark or you may see light through the cage. You can breathe and yell what you want, but you are constrained with little space for movement. You can’t free yourself and no one can hear you to save you. You are boxed in for eternity. That’s torture.

Death and Near-death

We all may die in many ways. The best is in your sleep. You go to bed and you don’t wake up anymore, for whatever reason, either sickness, suicide or simply old age. Clean and little agony. Another is by accident, or heart attack, with immediate death. Of course if it is suicide or sickness there is sometimes the prolonged suffering before one succumbs, or if an accident does not kill you immediately. Or the wrenching thoughts before a suicide.

Near-death is something else. This is when you are still breathing, medically “alive” but physically dead. Maybe you can still see or hear but you cannot move. Maybe you are in a vegetative state, or pseudocoma. You look pathetic but seriously no one can fathom how you feel. Everyone pays you attention and hopes you recover. But what if you don’t, and what if you don’t wish to recover? Even when you are motionless, and only your eyes move, is your brain still alive? If you are all paralysed, and speechless, who can know how you feel? It is like being trapped in the small box or cage, brain, maybe eyes, still functioning but physically immobile. You want to communicate but cannot, you don’t want to continue but cannot. And that is my greatest fear, as good as dead but yet not dead.

Yourself and Those Looking at You

When you are in that “caged” state, knowing but yet unknowing to others, you must wish you are dead. But those looking after you believe otherwise – they cling to the hope you will survive, get up one day and be well again. It can be a few days that drag into months and years. It is a burden to all those still living but they must look affectionate and compassionate in others’ eyes, so they must try their best to preserve your life. But what about you suffering underneath that useless physical body? People who want to keep you alive for their own conscience may never realise and understand the torture the near-dead is bearing. Maybe they should try caging themselves up in a little box for a few hours.

Nocureman:

I don’t know – perhaps some have been in the cage and truly survived. Some believe you are with God after death, so why subject someone to such caged torture and delay his entry into Heaven to be with the almighty? No one has died (in a cage) and returned to tell us what should have been done. But as living ones now, we should all know how it feels to be in a caged hell. For me, if it happens to me, let me go.

We often hear adults telling innocent but foolhardy teenage lovers that one cannot live on love and sunshine alone. We have to work hard, earn a living and be responsible. Sure, love claims to overcome some things but in every relationship, and especially marriage, love and the free sunshine can at best offer a temporary fix. Like if you get pregnant and still in school. You marry without a secure income. And you think love will carry you through. That’s so childishly foolish. Of course that inexplicable love conquers all courage is very motivating, but mankind needs more than that. Otherwise we could have all ended up smoking pot lazing around in hippie-land, with free love and god-knows what might have been. 

Marriage seems like a natural consequence of a romance, but it can be complicated after a while. We may think it is the start of a new life and it can truly be. But the problem with romantic love is that we can seem deeply in it at the start but then it can dissipate and disappear strangely over time, whatever the reason. And there are many reasons. Look at wedding pictures and see the joy and lovey-dovey eyes, then fast forward to today. How many still hold hands, whisper sweet-nothings or are even still together? And if they do, very likely it won’t be just love and sunshine. 
Many other things matter to keep a relationship alive – you can add trust, respect, fidelity and all kinds of emotion, attitude and character issues into the mix – but unless you wake up one day realising its the wrong mate, staying together into the twilight years happily ever after is not by sheer luck. It takes serious effort and you have to manage 3 things well.

MONEY is number One. When couples split, the most important thing to them is who gets what. That is life. While dating, it could be dutch. When living together, the one who earns more pays more. When you split, the one who earns less wants more. Splitting is the ultimate. Most don’t but learn to live with each other’s faults and indiscretions till death do us part. And here money certainly helps. As long as there is money to spend, I do what I like and you do your own thing. When love fails money does come to the rescue.

But there is more to money than that. Money helps keep tempers down, lower stress and anxiety, and corrupt away imminent quarrels. Money solves many problems or they can stop most problems from getting worse. Imagine how a good present or meal can soothe wounds and make amends and the relationship stays intact and more bearable. When you are broke, friends will avoid you and close ones may just desert you. And when all things are good anyway, having the extra $ makes life even more pleasant and enjoyable and the relationship thrives. So maintain a decent job, earn a decent income, save for rainy days and for posterity, and make hay while the sun shines. Manage money well for with money, comes respectability, confidence and sometimes invincibility.

Next is FAMILY. Or the extended family. Everyone related to you and your partner, who is close enough to care about both of you or those you both care about, if not openly but in heart. Friends can come and go, but family is legal and always in your good face. 

Family gatherings can be a real joy, with the kind of togetherness and brotherhood money cannot buy. It is the reason we address certain friends as bros, but unlike friends the support from family is a natural and unspoken expectation, the kind that runs through our blood. 

But if you lose family, there is a misery you will feel deeply forever. The atmosphere changes, conversations become subdued, silence triumphs and relationships suffer, like being lost and alone, away from the tribe. So never forsake the family, treasure it. Whatever the bad, it is still family. If at all, build on it. Spend time, continue the rituals, and never lose contact. It will make life a lot more livable as a couple within a larger communal tribe. 

And last is FRIENDS. Real friends, not the ones that fleet in and out. Friends you can have a beer with and share all kinds of jokes and stories, friends willing to hang around with you in good or bad times, friends you can call on and will call on you come what may. Friends that make the world go round for you and your partner.

Have time for your friends. No one is perfect so live and let live. Some may get closer, some may even fade away but, fear not, new ones will appear. Some friends make you envious, some will envy you but if they are nice, be nice too. Life needs these simple social interminglings that make us laugh, gossip and relate happenings – a way to let off and to look at ourselves. Friends make us sane. Otherwise it will be like a cell with 4 walls. We need the excitement, the variety and the spices to make married life more married, and that is what friends are for.

NOCUREMAN: Money, family and friends shield us from the miseries of work, the office politics and other daily woes. With these three, you can conquer anything and live happily ever after.

IT IS ALL FOR THE LIVING

We are all guilty of herd behaviour. We follow because someone else does it, never mind if it does not mean anything to us. If someone starts to clap, we may also clap without knowing what it is for. We are also more likely to follow suit when we see no harm doing so.

In fact most would do something if there is nothing for them to lose, and even more so if there is a perceived gain. To push the point further, many people appear to be doing kind things to others but with a latent motive, such as pushing an own agenda or simply pacifying an inner guilt – which brings us to the living intent and the beneficial dead.

THE WHATSAPP MYTH

WHATSAPP has propagated a myth. It creates a happy make-believe world, at least at face value. If it is your birthday, there will be endless greetings. When you have a grandson, they congratulate you (as if you made it happen). If someone is sick, the get-well wishes follow. If someone dies, the condolences pour in. Whether you know or don’t know someone well enough, you just follow, like a herd. It is like Apple’s FaceTime – we all want to show our faces and look good in others eyes. No need to consider, everyone in the group chat does it and it costs nothing.

Whether you actually mean it or not is another story. But these compliments or sympathies sure sound real at least until you notice that in between the ought-to-be sad moments someone will post a dirty joke. Then the smileys and thumbs-ups come in quick succession and in just a moment the cyber sadness disappears. The living rejoices again.

THE TWILIGHT SWITCH

A born-again Christian (after finding the rebirth theory not to his liking) likes to smugly repeat the story of why his late father started attending church in his twilight years. The logic was very simple: if it turns out there really is god, he will have his eternal life as promised; if there really is no god, he loses nothing (and no worse than the rest of humankind who believe otherwise). It is a seductive thought, a no-risk stake, like an investment of a very small capital (just time and effort for church) but with potentially huge returns.

You see, the father was a very shrewd businessman – the little to lose, a lot to gain type. The son probably agreed and encouraged the idea. Being the living, and with a hefty inheritance to boot, why argue the unanswerable question. Well, the father has passed on and so far nothing has been heard about his god belief venture. Meanwhile the son gladly continues boasting his father’s tale. Who cares if there really is eternity.

THE BEDSIDE CONVERT

Another father was in and out of hospital suffering from cancer. All his life practising Taoist beliefs, it was a shock when at his death family members were told he had converted to Christianity. How a bed-ridden 90 year-old with little awakeness and awareness was capable of being convinced of the scriptures is anyone’s guess. Well, the ones responsible meant it well: their way is the Christian way, the father is “saved” and the new faith will keep its promise. Whether he was lucid enough to agree and it was furtively done are beside the point. They have achieved their purpose and merits have been earned. They get kudos from their congregation. Never mind the protests, it is done and over. No regret, no guilt. They have peace and sleep well. For the father, who knows.

HELL MONEY

Everyday someone dies. Prayers, eulogies, obituaries, anniversaries – they are supposed to honour the dead, although no one has ever come back to thank anyone. It is no different from how you let the dead go. Loud funerals, few-page obituaries and big send-offs – no one knows how the dead regard them. But one thing is for sure – they make the living feel and look good. Like burning hell money.

 Often we see a few pages of newspaper obituaries for just a single person, likely a very rich one. And the bigger the wreath the better – if you are a company, it is advertisement for both your business and yourself. Respect the dead, but impress the living, the grieving family and especially the surviving heirs. If you can afford it, erect statues and set up foundations. Sometimes the louder the cries and the more tears, the better your image. The gamblers will ask for lottery numbers. Don’t do it if obeying traditional funeral rites embarrass you among your faith. Never mind the awkwardness and pretentiousness: the reality is that satisfying the living far outweighs that for the dead.

NOCUREMAN: You have to give it to the scriptwriters of the Korean dramas. In one scene, someone said “the dead won’t come back to life just because you remember them”. It is not far from the truth – whatever is done by the living for the dead is not for the dead but for the living. It lessens guilt, brings tears of memories, and maybe, maybe, it gives people hope that wishes could be answered, if not by the gods but by the dead. We all do things which serve and benefit our living purpose. Live life, after death we are nobody.

 

Many of us are not seasoned travellers. If you are, you are either very well off or you are on company expenses. In both cases, you won’t bother with the things mentioned here simply because affordability is not an issue. For the majority, an overseas holiday is usually a bonus or a dip into our savings, and money does matter.

INSURED BUT UNINSURED

Nowadays, news is aplenty about aircraft problems, union strikes, extreme weathers, terrorist attacks and sudden medical emergencies. With all these fears, a travel insurance policy is soothing. And it is so easy to buy one online and they don’t seem expensive anymore. But like all insurance policies, many of us layman are at the mercy of the fine prints and their interpretation. Take “pre-existing” conditions which exclude many medical claims if you happen to fall sick.

All policies define this condition a little differently. You wont feel so bad whichever policy you buy if they all effectively mean the same thing, but they don’t. Some are very clear these are conditions that occurred within the 12 months before your trip. But some say “at any time”, which means since you were born? Another one says “which you knew about before the start of your trip” – so does it apply to my knowing my legs hurt once when I climbed the stairs 2 years ago? And then “a reasonable person in the circumstances would be expected to be aware of”……………….. just shifty language.

The insurance lawyers must have had a field day, like “known events”. So if there are media reports of very heavy rain and potential floods in other parts of Thailand, it may negate your claims if you were to catch malaria or be stranded in Bangkok?

An insurance policy feels good, but only if nothing happens to you.

THE SCOOTBIZ EXPERIENCE

A seat in Scoot business class comes with a free meal and free drink, which can be a beer or wine, not necessarily soft drinks or water. Now, when the hostesses come around, they will show you the menu pages for the usual meals and soft drinks and then they stop there – deliberate or not, they do not turn to the beer and wine page, unless you know or you ask. Most passengers just feel cheated – you mean I am entitled to free wine, and you didn’t tell me? Well, maybe the cabin crew is heavily incentivized to save the costlier alcohol for the airline.

And preferably, don’t order your meal from the limited menu when you book online. Doing that helps the airline, but the menu they offer you on board has a wider variety and you may have better choices. Whatever happened to good old service?

THE K-POP COUNTRY

Never fear when in South Korea. More than 55% of the population have no religions. There are many China Chinese in Seoul, and there is always an interpreter nearby if you have not learnt enough from watching their Korean dramas.

Visit a government constructed hawker centre in Singapore and you will find the fearless birds picking food next to your feet. Maybe people will panic when another bird flu epidemic comes around but as of now, the authorities are oblivious.

Go to Seoul’s Noryangjin fish market with its ubiquitous raw fish carcasses and you see no birds, not even flies. How do the Koreans do it, even in the heat of spring when the weather in Seoul is no different from hot Singapore?

Don’t bother to pre-book any transport from or to either Incheon or Gimpo airports – on site taxis are plenty and safe. If you are 4 people, taxis are not pricey per pax. But if you are two, take the subways, even the express train from/to the airports. They are cheap and easy, with an English menu on the ticket machines and helpful staff if you need one. Some stations are huge like Seoul’s central station and you could get a little lost, so just budget more time looking for the right trains and platforms. People will help you, even if they can’t speak your lingo.

If you can drink, soju is a must at every meal. No place overcharges you – from Seoul’s Majang beef market and Myeongdong’s seafood steamboat to the black pork BBQ in Jeju – they are all between 4-6 ‘000 Won. But always ensure the price is right before you order the Korean pancake, otherwise it could be 28,000 instead of 12000 Won for the same kind, even when the two restaurants are 50 meters apart.

And seriously, wifi is everywhere, mostly free.

KIMONO LAND

Over to Japan – between Narita airport and the city, the Access Narita bus is not only cheap (1000 Yen each way) but regular, punctual and comfortable. The Ginza station stop is more convenient than Tokyo station. Taxis are notably expensive but subways are cheap and easy too, again with English menus, et all. Get a Suica card and you can go anywhere in metropolitan Tokyo which includes Yokohama and Kawagoe. Get clear directions in subway stations; if not you have to pay to get out of a section even if you have not boarded a train – that’s the pain when you have many different rail companies operating in the same station.

Try to get to the Umihotaru island on Tokyo Bay between Kawasaki and Chiba. It is a really unique tunnel stop with a great sight. Forget the Ramen museum in Yokohama – it is a tourist trap like a studio with props. If you cannot wake up early enough to see the pre-dawn auction and the actual market, forget also the Tokyo Tsukiji fish market – the street shops and food joints are over-rated. Well, unless you want boasting rights by being there with photos to show off when you get home.

If you like draft beer, you can get the cheapest pint in Iidabashi area restaurants for just 290 Yen. In Kawagoe it will cost you 1000 Yen per pint. Be careful always though – a pub in Shimo Kitazawa (630 Yen for ½ pint draft) will give you Suntory beer when you ask for Asahi because you look and sound like a tourist and they think you will not know the difference between the two beers. But if you do after a few sips and question them, they will admit and say “no charge”. It does happen, even in Japan.

And again, contrary to what you read on the internet, wifi is available in many places – hotels, eateries, and subways. No fear.

A trip to Japan will not be complete without sashimi – go where the locals go, visit Takamaru Senyoten in Shinjuku – fresh, crowded but value for money. Order the best sake they have. If you don’t want to prebook, go between 4-6pm or after 9pm. You won’t be disappointed. Yummy.

NOCUREMAN: Enjoy if you can, but don’t lose out. The experience, the sights and the memories will keep you alive, wanting more. No matter where, nothing will be perfect. Expect the best but temper your disappointments. And always be careful of the small prints and the false facades.

Many visitors to Singapore are amazed at how things work so well here. Even those who have never been to Singapore have heard or seen on TV good things about Singapore. Many things are true, and it is indeed one of the better places to live in on earth. But of course, like everywhere else, there are detractors – the pace of life, other better places to bring up children, more freedom elsewhere; the list goes on – but then again, which place on earth is perfect?

Singapore prides itself in many things. And the country has indeed achieved many things.

Now let us look beneath the veneer of everything-is-good about Singapore, and start with a simple everyday matter – carparking.

There is no secret that cars here cost a lot more than in other countries. So one would think everything related to cars must be top-notch here, what with a first-class transport system in mind. With only about 575 thousand cars versus 5.5 million people (in 2015), the local majority will consider car matters as trivial and not fret too much about them. But like many other things big or small in Singapore, we always have something to fuss about. Now, whether one cares depends on you, your interests and your tolerance limit, and especially if you want to own a car. So here goes.

THE CAR PARIAHS

Take parking, or should I say indiscriminate parking – against an acceptable social norm. It sure smacks of nonchalance or blatant arrogance but such behavior is very common in Singapore. Nothing to do with the rich or famous but just plain idiotic attitude. And we actually have strict laws on this – you could be fined by a traffic enforcement officer if your car encroaches into another lot. That is if it is a public carpark and there is an officer doing his rounds. If not, it is up to a vigilante and there are strict rules too. You have to provide photo proof, fill a form, be willing to stand witness in court, and then hope justice is done. But you probably will never know if your effort has paid off or it is another exercise in futility, and the culprit gets away.

Now, if it happens in a private estate, confronting the culprit can be vexing and pointless, and no one can punish the recalcitrant. The only resort is to leave a note on the windscreen to prick the conscience – not the “please park properly” type but maybe “your mother must be so proud of the way you park your car”. Or as most Singaporeans do, close an eye, shake our head and just mutter away.

ANYBODY THERE?

We have one of the best infrastructures around. Everything including car parks are supposedly top-notch – well designed, well maintained, and well managed. And we all pay for it.

But sometimes, inexplicable as it is how well we pride our efficiency, things do not get done. Even after reminders over two years, the state of CLQ85 in Holland Drive is still as bad as it was. Whether it is lack of time or attention, or just incompetence, it is difficult to tell. Obviously someone is not doing his job, and one wonders what it will take for an official to wake up – after someone trips and gets hurt or a tyre blows out in your face?

And then there is this carpark in Yuhua market in Jurong East. Maybe it was originally built for sports cars with low bodies. Then they realised if you reverse-park a SUV, MPV or van using your rear bumper sensors to guide you, you will whack your vehicle top against the railing. So to safeguard themselves, they install notices to warn you – now, if you don’t read our notice and you hit the railing, you have yourself to blame; we officials are off the hook, we are covered. It is like small prints in a contract – caveat emptor.

RESERVED FOR FINES

Singapore subsidises many things – education, health, housing, etc – and with such a high per capita, it is expected that even those who live in government subsidised housing can afford to own cars. And we even coddle you with ample carparks close to your subsidised apartment so that when you come home in the evening you will have no problem finding a space to park your car. You see, although carparks are open to everyone, a significant proportion is reserved for nearby residents. Identified by red-white lines, non-residents can only use these reserved lots between 7am and 7pm most days. The proportion is decided based on a proper study, so they claim. Logically then, after 10pm you would expect most of these lots to be taken, right? Well, visit the Jalan Bukit Merah ABC market’s multi-storey carpark at night – someone must have seriously screwed up the numbers.

And that is not all. If it happens you cannot find a non-reserved lot but are forced to park in an empty reserved lot (and there could be many such unused lots available at that time), you will face the law. These parking enforcement officers are omnipresent in the tightest carparks where the catch is obviously easier – like the multi-storey carpark next to Lorong 7 market in Toa Payoh. The rule of thumb of public service is to help the people in need but instead of helping non-residents find a parking space, they give you a ticket. They will plead helplessness and implicitly challenge you to write in to the authorities. With all the high tech and super brains in the system, we would think someone can devise a better system, one that can help save a lot of resources: time to circle around trying to find a lot, the fuel wasted, the pollution created, the money wasted, the frustration and bitterness, and sometimes the occasional fights. Reducing the number of reserved lots will certainly help, but will any official ever bother?

But there seems to be good sides too. If you drive to Sunday church, attend Friday prayers at a mosque, visit a temple event or some religious festivity, you can park freely around the area. No traffic wardens, no parking enforcers, no fines. Too bad for those who do not belong to any religious faith or do not partake in such activities, the so-called free thinkers and non-followers, you will not get to enjoy the weekly or occasional freebie. And when you attend funeral wakes, just scribble a note and leave it on your dashboard to inform the traffic warden you are paying respects to the dead – give me a ticket and you could be cursed.

NOCUREMAN: So we are all short of perfect – the bad-ass driver; the manager who has no time or interest; the bad railing design; underused reserved lots; don’t-blame-us traffic warden; and policies that try hard to please. Shall we all turn a blind eye, live and let live, or join them if you can’t beat them? Or maybe, just don’t ever own a car.

This post is not about religions. It is about what people believe and the things they do. It is also about the forces of nature and the human mind which most of us don’t truly understand. Some people believe in superstitions or whatever makes them happy, and in real life it is sometimes difficult to distinguish between truth and fiction. But that is what makes life interesting and complex, from joy to sadness, creation to devastation, the never ending cycle of risk and reward, bust and boom, life and death…….

RACE BLESSINGS

Every year since 2008, the Singapore F1 grand prix is held at the downtown area, close to the Marina Bay Sands Casino. It is a street circuit and held at night to cater to European racing fanatics. To many of us, the deafening noise every few minutes either gives you a thrill or a headache. Some people love it, some dread it, so it is always a surprise when you see so-called representatives of religious faiths gather to offer blessings to the race – is it to pray for thunderstorms so that this mindless race is cancelled or for good weather to have a successful race? What does car racing do to value-add to our lives that it deserves such myriad blessings? No one even knows for sure if it actually helps the economy. But it certainly helps the very wealthy owners, drivers, organizers and betting sites – and how religion fits into the grand scheme of this car race is anyone’s guess.

ORDINARY PEOPLE

Ever watch a soccer match, especially when there is a penalty kick? You see both the striker and the opposing goalie making the familiar Sign of the Cross before the kick is taken. Obviously the striker wants to beat the goalie and the goalie wants to thwart the striker, but it is impossible to know what each is actually praying for. In any case, only one wins, his wish answered. For the vanquished, who knows why his wish was in vain.

Ever seen chilli and onions stuck at tee boxes of golf courses before a tournament? It is a weather charm: please don’t rain. The results maybe 50-50 but if it still rains, you still pat yourself for having tried your best – no one can blame you, you just had no luck. And if something is always 50-50 why even try. Head or tails in the long run will also be 50-50. Don’t do anything, also 50-50.

Cold icy water is a fantastic way to wake up the senses. But it is what you believe which is more important. Some take cold baths because it feels good. To others, it is spiritual. It is a pilgrimage of sorts, like burning incense, fire-walking, performing the Haj, touching the Pope or going to Sunday church. If it works for you, by all means, why not?

One key takeaway of Buddhism is to show kindness to all animals and that of Hinduism is to revere cows. But in many societies, even as the majority follow the basic tenets, there is always a fringe who do things in contrast with the mainstream beliefs – be it for money, for thrill or their own interpretation of their beliefs.

THE FORCES OF NATURE

No matter what we believe, hope and pray for, there are many things that will still happen that are totally beyond us. You can explain however you want, but no one so far can fathom why the forces of nature wreck havoc despite our faiths. We can console and offer all kinds of rationale (like a bad deed angering the gods), but no matter how strong you are, we have not been able to stop the floods, the earthquakes, the typhoons and the diseases. It seems nature was before us, and thus has priority rights.

THE HUMAN KIND

If the forces of nature are one thing, just look at us, the human race. We believe but we fear, so we commit atrocities and all the follies on other beings. And we do it everywhere, anywhere and no one and no place is spared. Sometimes its a real accident, sometimes it is a calculated risk, and many times it is ill-will. And all man-made, impossible to prevent, and no matter what you believe, nowhere is fool-proof safe.

NOCUREMAN:

What people believe in and the contrarian things they do are difficult to comprehend. More so the forces of nature, the accidents and the human crimes, as they can occur anywhere and to anyone, even in the midst of worship and sanctified places. Whatever your customs and beliefs, we are all exposed to the same elements. Nothing is guaranteed.

CHILDREN, CHILDREN EVERYWHERE

Most people have children, whether by choice or by accident. If the kids turn out to be bad or ugly, you wish you don’t have them, but almost all of us learn to live with what they are. Children exhibit certain traits when young. Good or bad traits, it is impossible to tell if a child was born that way or that he might have been influenced along the way. Maybe karma catches up much earlier in some and very much later in others, but whatever a child is today, no matter what one does or desires, we will never know what he might turn out one day. Like many life events, there are no control experiments, no what-ifs. We just live with the result. Of course, if you have the money you can still send a not so bright kid to university, but if you cannot afford it, a not so bright kid will most likely have a not so bright future. But again there are rich kids who fail and poor kids who excel later in life. Who is to tell?

HEAVEN’S WILL 1

Often we hear people thanking the heavens for giving them an offspring. It is like there is some special divine intervention – we prayed and had the baby. Let us face it. Other than fairy tales, no babies come out of nowhere. If it appears on your doorstep, it is probably abandoned.  To put it crudely, a couple needs to engage in sex to ever have a chance to have a baby. And while in the act, uttering serious prayers for a baby is probably furthest from your mind. They are just not compatible efforts possible at the same time. Even for the most pious ones, which one comes first – sex or baby? Some actually pray nothing happens after sex. Some try hard for one but no results. They surely pray afterwards too, but still nothing. Now if you don’t have sex, no baby will ever happen, no matter how hard you pray. That is a given.

Whatever the reasons, it is actually not difficult not to have a kid – you refrain or take super extra precautions. So there is no excuse that it happened by accident or by some divine design. And if you are not ready for kids, don’t even try. A baby may be born out of just pure chance, but once it is born, you have a big responsibility.

THE LOAD ON YOUR SHOULDERS

Different people have kids for different reasons. Some like the joy around kids, some due to peer or parental pressure, some want kids to later support and care for them, and some desire the continuation of the family tree. So, it is perfectly OK for them to try. But once the kid comes, shoulder your responsibility well. If you are rich and able it is much easier. If not, being sorry for yourself and the ensuing kid is too late.

Even responsibility to children means different things to different people. Most will do their best. But some believe their job is just to feed you till you are big enough to marry out or eke out a living. That maybe very much an old thinking, but it still happens today. And the vicious cycle continues. You cannot shoulder the responsibility well so you blame it on accident, on divine intervention, but yet you engage in reckless acts that produce even more. Some parents even say you are lucky just to be born. As if babies cry out to be born. And we now owe these parents a living or they may snuff you out into thin air.

When a life is born, it is a heavy burden and you better be prepared to deal with it. Somehow, people always take chances and to many, it is always too late. Having kids must be a choice, a responsible choice.

HEAVEN’S WILL 2

It is not unusual having to listen to parents and grand-parents praising their young ones – see, they can walk, how clever. Almost everyone has some story to tell, and it is always the good stuffs – so pretty, so cute, so big eyes, so smart, and so precocious. It is like having an asset, a possession that they can brag about. I am father number 2; I am grandmother number 3. This is my jewel, he is more able than others, and no one better hurt him or her, or else – whatever the matter is, my kid can do no wrong. It’s like having a new car – showing it off, admiring it, protecting it, and boasting its capabilities, even when everyone is just being polite bearing with it.

Very few will be frank enough to tell you how bad their kids are, when they keep failing exams or the kids look ugly or misbehave or are disabled in some way. When the child grows, sometimes he exhibits behaviours that smack of intelligence, some of some disability, and some with other myriads of characteristics. When a kid seems smart, some parents will thank the heavens again. No one will passionately thank the heavens if the kid is otherwise. Well, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and no one will admit they fathered a bad kid. Is it by chance or heaven’s will again?

TO ADULTS

Most parents will say they give their children their ablest best to prepare for adulthood. Sure, unless you seriously mistreat your child or abandon him along the way, how else can anyone accuse you of being bad or inadequate parents? Some give birth to a few kids and then they favour just one or two, whatever the reasons. If you knew you will only prefer one particular kid out of 5, you should have aborted the rest, and just keep this one and give him a better quality life. Why give birth and then torture your kids? Some are not able to feed their kids enough, don’t educate them, teach them bad habits (like drugs and lazing around) and some even abuse their own kids. But still, some of these kids survive into good responsible adults. Is it the heavens again or just pure luck?

Somehow when a child is not a child anymore, he may be absolutely a different person from your dreams. I don’t know how he ended up like that. Some praise their kids when times are good but curse them if things turn out bad later. Some want undivided attention – I gave birth to you, and you treat me like that? Their kids are born assets and they expect a good return. Most don’t ever say sorry I brought you into this world, and cause you this suffering, I am to blame.

If good parenting also results in good adults, it is a perfect situation. But even the best looked after kids may turn out evil. There is no guarantee.

NOCUREMAN:

To have or not to have children, everyone has a choice. It is natural to have kids is not good enough as you need to fulfill the heavy responsibility. Cherish them when they are growing up and give them your best. Feed them well and teach them the right things. That is the minimum. Then let them go. Do not be a burden to them. If they grow up to be good people, it is your luck. If they end up bad, it is also your luck. Everyone can wish, but no one will ever know till the day comes what the child will turn out to be.